


The face of my son

by Alle__Panda



Category: Solo A Star Wars Story, Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Finn is Jalous, Han Solo doesn't die, I am not sure the force works like this but I like it, Kylo Ren is Nice, Kylo Ren never murders his father, Redeemed Ben Solo, Slow Burn, What if he didn't kill Han Solo and went away with him?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-22
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2019-07-15 11:55:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16062593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alle__Panda/pseuds/Alle__Panda
Summary: What if Kylo Ren went away with his father instead of killing him on that catwalk?What if he felt stronger the pull of the light, of Rey's light and chose to abandon Snoke and forgive his parents?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am not sure where this is going to go... Just an idea I had in mind...  
> Let me know if you are interested

THE FACE OF MY SON

Everything had happened so fast that Rey didn’t even have time to acknowledge that now she was free angain and they were on their way to the Reistance base. In her mind the images of the last events were still repeating and repeating. But now here she is, sitting in the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon near Chewbecca, her heart in her throat, breath ragged, looking at a scene she wouldn’t have believed possible just a few minutes before. Feeling even a little betrayed. A bad feeling slowly sinking into her stomach. The familiar ache she used to feel for her lost family hits her like a punch in the face. She can’t hold on the tears. Near her, a stunned Finn is gazing mesmerized a the couple of men, father and son, embracing themselves in tears just a few steps aside from him. What the hell! That is Kylo Ren! He thinks. He had seen him murder dozens of people and now it’s like he is just become crazy, witnessing at that scene. How can it be? Han Solo is hugging the hulking black figure strongly now, just against his chest and murmurs soothing words to him, reassuring words, as if he had always been nothing but a tender and too quickly grown puppy instead of a potential lethal dark killer.

“It’s all right Ben...We are going back home right now. It’s all right…”

To be continued...


	2. Chapter 2

They had made it just in time. The star killer base, the damn whole planet, is blown up just in the same moment they were out of the atmosphere. The engines of the Falcon are still at full power and the hyper drive guides them out of danger. She can breathe now, Rey tells to herself, relax, but she really can’t do it.

 

Not when the man that had just introduced himself into her mind is standing a few inch form her, cuddled and welcomed by the man she considered the most paternal figure she had ever had. There is silence now, broken only by his sobs and sighs.

 

He looks like a child while his father strokes his pale cheeks with his calloused reassuring hands. His eyes are so big and needy and his plump lips are trembling slightly. Rey find herself shocked hearing him whimper that way in front of Han.

 

The older man looks tired but into his eyes there is something different now, as if a big weight he didn’t even know he was baring, has been removed from his shoulders. But it isn’t just that. He looks satisfied, relived, even proud of the lost creature resting in front of him. Rey really couldn’t bare to look at them anymore.

 

She feels sick. It’s Finn the first one to break the silence.

 

“You owe us an explanation!” he says addressing the smuggler. At that Han Solo turns towards them while Kylo Ren still remain silently still at his side with his hands in his head, his face looking at the floor.

 

“You never told us about this…How can he be your son? I mean…He has got powers!” and the astonishment is still palpable in Finn’s voice. They didn’t have time to discuss this while they were running for their lives.

 

And between the blaster bolts the soldiers had shot at them on the ground and the battle in the sky up above, it was a miracle they made it without reporting a single wound. The young man had seen Kylo blocking some fire bolt running in their direction, uusing the force and it was nothing Han had even tried to do since they had met him. For example, when they were running from the Rathatars, he could have swear he would have used the force if he only had got a power like that. But Han had just grabbed his loyal blaster and nothing more.

 

“Believe me kid, it’s a long story and this is not the right moment to ask about it” he suddenly reply. So Finn’s attention shifted to another as important issue.

 

“Anyway he is in league with the first order. How can you trust him? He is a murderer! You saw him! He kidnapped Rey and…” Finn is already shouting back at him but then Han steps in.

 

“That time is finished. It doesn’t matter anymore! He’s back”

 

“Yes, it matters instead! He did terrible things, he belongs to the enemy…I saw him…”

 

“Strange thing told by a former stormtrooper. I know you saw him. It was when you were too scared to do anything else a part obeying orders and murder the innocents”

 

“It’s not the same. I was…He… It isn’t the same thing at all. He didn’t rise in the army. I had no choice”

 

“Believe me kid. It is. He had felt obliged too, by Snoke.

 

His serpentine voice had started to murmur at his ears when he was nothing more than a kid and…”

 

“STOP IT!” a deep voice growled with anger. They all turn towards him to find a very schoked Kylo Ren fighting to keep his composure. His fists tight at his sides. His breath ragged.

 

His face suddenly fall into a blue expression.

 

“Please…” he adds just a moment before his father can answer. His voice quiet and broken by now. At that Han Solo leaves Finn to go back facing his son.

 

“No. it’s time for me to tell you Ben. Because that had been the biggest mistake of my life” he says.

 

“I will never forgive myself to have let him play with your mind. To have thought that your uncle could do something more than I could…Ben, we shouldn’t have sent you away…I know it now. I am just glad you chose to give me a second chance. I know I don’t deserve it, but your mother…come here son!” and then they are back hugging once more.

 

Chewbecca growls something at Finn and he startles for the surprise, not really getting what he says. Then he looks at Rey. “He said that you should stay quiet and leave them be” she clarify with a listless voice. Her eyes so sad that the former stromstrooper can’t really avoid to notice.

 

“Ehi…Are you all right?” he asks with worry, his eyes widened. “Did he do something to you, isn’t it?”.

 

“No…I mean…I don’t know” she stutter out, her voice trembling.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” At that she looks at him with stupor. She isn’t still accostumed to have someone who cares for her and Finn is back to rescue her and it is just too much. She starts to cry.

 

“He didn’t hurt me…not…in the way you think, anyway…I saw his mind, I can still feel it…it’s overwhelming” she says while a shiver catch her completely unprepared.

 

Meanwhile, Han has decided to bring his son to the fresher, asking him to disrobe himself and try to relax. Kylo had simply chosen to do as his father had asked without protest, his head fuzzy and mouth dry. His tumultuous emotions of pain, relief and fear raging through the force so distinctly that Rey could feel them permeating around her.

 

She doesn’t know why or how but she can feel all of it as if they were her own emotions. And she is scared now. She find herself even much scared when she starts to perceive even more. She stays still on the chair for a while wondering if she is just imagining or she can actually feel the cold water dropping down her skin.

 

Then she looks at her hands in shock, remembering the vision she had at Maz Kanta’s castle before he kidnapped her. She had seen him before they really met. She had felt as if she were in his body. Her hands wrapped into those black glows of his. Yes, she had already seen that man, in a dream, in a nightmare.

 

And now they were here, together, stocked on the same ship. And Rey can’t really tell how she feels about it. Looking at her paralyzed entranced face, Finn swallows hard and touches her right arm to let her know that he is still there. But she didn’t reacts, still looking at her hands in shock.

 

“Rey…please, tell me something” Finn pleads starting to feel scared, but then the Falcon jumps out of light speed and that seems to wake her from her trance.

 

Now they are right above Daquar. The Resistance base is in a tumult beneath them. But it is nothing compare to the anxiety that has caught Finn at the sight of Rey lost in her own world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could have followed many leads... For example Rey's inner point of view like I chose to do, but I could have talked about Ben's point of view and maybe in the mext chapter I am going to do that.... I usually like to show at the audiece as much as possible of what the characters think and feels. I don't really like the descriptions, so forgive me if there aren't many details, but it's a choice. And more over I am not a native english user and so it's difficult for me to describe things, but anyway I always prefer to imagine things when I read and detailed descriptions are boring to read. I hope you enjoyed the idea and, yes... I love the "What if?" universe XD


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ben thinks a lot and his father either :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am deeply sorry for the many errors of grammar that there will be here... I am really doing my best but this is what I can do with the time I have got... I just wanted to thank you all for the support you gave to this story. I really didn't expect it! So feel free to tell me your opinion and if you want to help me with the grammar, well I can make you my beta readers and I will be glad too :)
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)
> 
> And I just wanted you to know that there is more after this and in particular, this is a Reylo story, so...There will be more Reylo soon:)

“How did you managed to wear these robes? They are thick…” Han Solo asks a few inches away from the fresher.

 

“I know that was a cold planet but…I am impressed you were even capable to move inside of this thing” and saying so he tosses the black garments away in a rapid movement. Meanwhile the water is descending rapidly on the stiff body of his son. Not an answer comes from the inside of the cabin and Han breaths out sharply.

 

Today it had been the first time he had seen his son’s face in years. The last time they met he was still a child. But now there is a grown man in the little cabin with him. Helping him to disrobe himself had gave Han the occasion to take a better look upon his whole figure. And Ben’s muscular body looks impressive even to the eyes of his father.

 

The broad shoulders, the big tights, the expansive abdominals, everything in him is very muscular and thanks to the paleness of his skin he looks like a sculpture. But inside of this armored shell, he knows that his son is still a fragile boy who had thought that his parents didn’t care at all about him for a very long time.

 

So Han looks at the huge body of his son, who looks lost into his thoughts under the spray of the frasher and, even if he maybe should feel a little uncomfortable looking at this naked man who’s standing in front of him, he find himself desperate to reach for him like never before. His son is giving him his shoulders, and this is just overwhelming itself because he knows how much this may mean for Ben right now.

 

Thrusting someone to the point not to care to have your side uncovered, or worst, your back. So Han suddenly reaches for him without even knowing, he outstretches his right hand and touches the skin of Ben’s arm in an attempt to reach for his mind. His son doesn’t move of an icnh, but he flinches at the contact letting out a little strangled whimper. It is only now that Han notices the scars. His son has got a lot of them scattered all over his body.

 

White little lines, some of them appear to be really deep, some others less, but it’s enough to take his breath away from his lounges. Because his skin right now is perfectly soothe and smooth and that can mean just a thing: they are the reminders of years of bad injuries and pain. The flow of the spray keeps running down and after the first shock, finally Han notices another thing that brings him back to the present.

 

“Ehi…Is there a problem with the frasher?” he asks hoping to sound as much casual as possible, trying for a while to forget the horror he had just confronted with. The eyes of his son, puffy and encircled in red, lift up in a moment, looking at him in bewilderment.

 

He still doesn’t say a word. “Damn!” he curses “this water is as cold as ice…Did you try to kick a bit those pipes? You know, I think I had repaired the plumbing system before but it still sucks sometimes…” he apologizes.

 

“Really? I didn’t even notice” his son answers in a low voice that makes him shiver a little. Yes, undoubtedly he is standing in front of a man now, he’s not a child anymore.

 

“Is it cold?” Ben asks him in confusion.

 

At that Han looks at him even more sharply but doesn’t dare to make a sound because he knows that his boy is going to add something more to his question.

 

“I don’t think there is something wrong with the pipes. This is my usual temperature. It helps me to stay focused and more over it was part of my master training…” his son blurts out next as if he was speaking of obvious, his voice still a little puzzled. Then Ben looks deeply into his eyes and Han finds himself stunned as if a thunder would have just hit him. His brown eyes searches the black ones of his son.

 

He’s looking for something reassuring, anything that can help him to fight his worst fears, but all that he finds, instead, is the confirm that his son had been living in a daily nightmare every damn day of his life in the past seven years. And he hates the idea that he can’t completely understand how much horror his son had to endure until now, he hates the fact that he hadn’t been there with him, he hates that he had been such a pathetic parent to him. So he cracks.

 

“Oh Ben, what did they do to you?” he asks with a desperate tone in his voice.

 

………………………………………….

 

He can’t answer at that question. He feels too vulnerable by now, too full of rage, too shaken. So he breaths out noisily instead and then he suddenly breaths in. He knows he is not ready to talk about this with his father, not now that everything around him still seems to be a strange dream and he is desperately afraid that he is going to wake up into his quarters, only to discover that he is alone again. Ben’s entire body is shaking by now and he can’t hid the fear to have made the wrong choice.

 

He was supposed to became stronger, fearless, a man full of power and strength just like his grandfather. Snoke had talked a lot to him about Vader. He had explained to his needy broken young soul, that becoming a real dark force user would have made him invincible. But the only thing that had pushed Ben Solo towards the dark side, had been the thought that this way, he wouldn’t have to be scared anymore.

 

He didn’t want to be a victim anymore, he would have learned as much as possible from Snoke to gain enough knowledge about the force to use his power fully. So that, if only his uncle had ever tried to get close to him again, this time he wouldn’t have anything to fear. Unlike that night, when he woke up with his green lightsaber just a few ink from his face.

In that moment, a sudden rush of adrenaline had spread all over his body and Ben had pleaded, yes, literally pleaded to find enough strength to defend himself from his uncle. His instinct had took advantage on him, guiding to safety. When the whole structure had collapsed onto their heads, Ben was much stunned, confused, and frightened than ever.

 

His uncle lost under the ruins. He couldn’t think at what he had done. He remembers to have looked at the whole mess in shock. His head heavy while some hot blood was running from his forehead to his chin. He didn’t even had the time to realize what had just happened that the others were already there.

 

The clamor of the disaster had called them in his direction. Ben had shook his head strongly, his sight was going to blur but the force was guiding his every action. It was speaking of danger, and so he had forced his eyes to look at them. And he found the other boys glaring back at him in horror.

 

Only the he noticed that he was still holding his lightsaber into his right hand. The blue beam was buzzling and crackling like never before, as if the kyber cristal was in pain just like him. Ben’s head was aching, his hearth pounding rapidly into his chest.

 

“What did you do to our master?” finally shouted at him the older of the other boys.

 

“I knew that there was something wrong with you. I have always known” added another one.

 

“I-I didn’t want to do that…” he had blurted out in shock. “He was standing in my room and…he wanted to kill me”.

 

In that moment he had hated himself for the weakness in his voice. The strangled sounds that had exited his mouth had been indecorous and childish in a way that made him feel even much sick. Then his gaze darted to the bunch of padwans in front of him and his own eyes locked into theirs with hope and shame, and desperation.

 

He looked for comprehension but all he found was just anger and fear, with the addition of some sort of sense of betrayal. He didn’t take long to him to realize that he was alone against everyone else.

 

“Liar! Luke was even your uncle! And he was the one who still believed there was something good in you. We all know that he wasn’t right!”

 

“No, I am telling you that he…”

 

“We are not blind Ben! I have sensed by my self your darkness rise into the force. It’s time for us to stop you definitively,” one of them said. And at the same moment Ben saw him enlighten his saber and look at the others for support.

 

At that Ben knew that he had no choice. His lightsaber was still humming into his hand, the adrenaline rushing into his veins. He didn’t want to fight them, but it was him or them and so right now he was nothing more than a frightened animal fighting for his life. When he fought the first stroke at the two who charged him firstly, he was only trying to shove them away.

 

The whole situation felt absolutely crazy to him because with them he had practiced that same moves for days, parring and hitting, having always the awareness that they were pal, even if they didn’t talk much with each other, they were sill sharing the same goals, the same path. He really didn’t want to fight them because the only thing he was looking for was his own safety.

 

But then something changed. When one of their saber touched him onto his left tight, the pain arrived together with a sensation of pure rage. Why didn’t they believe him? Why everybody had to see only evil in him, just like his parents? Why even his uncle had thought he was a monster too?

 

A simple thought, his fears growing inside of him. And then there had come the rage. Strong rage, almost fury, that hit at his brain. And a voice, that voice, the one of his nightmares, stronger than ever, reassuring in a sort of way. He started to tell him what he had to do.

 

His mind blank, Ben didn’t know that to do anymore if not to follow the voice’s instructions. His anger taking advantage of him. In that same moment the rain started to fall from the sky. Suddenly his strokes became impossible to block. The first of his former padwans fell to his knees, his saber threw away into the muddy ground. Ben only wanted the fear to leave him and the voice into his head was pleasing, soothing.

 

He was telling to strike them all dead. He was telling him that they would have never left him at peace otherwise, that he had to protect himself. So Ben kept hit them with rage, stroke after stroke, not thinking anymore. His white tunic slowly covering with blood. The thunders up above were also shaking his soul while the water started to wash away the evidence of his actions.

 

But there was no time to breath, no time to think. He was in danger, so he stroke down two other padwans who attacked him in pair, and then a third one. He was ready to strike even the others but then he saw them dropping down their lightsaber and plead him to spare them.

 

The voice kept murmur seductively that he had to finish the job, but in that moment Ben saw his same fears into the eyes of his fellows and so he extinguished the beam of his saber. When the others acknowledge the fact that they had been spared, he was already pacing towards them, with a confidence he didn’t think he could have.

 

The rage was still present in the back of his mind but he was feeling much confident right now and he was so tired, so damnly tired of everything… He wasn’t in danger anymore, but the alien voice kept talking to him anyway.

 

“Burn it. Your past. You don’t need it anymore. Burn it. Burn it all. it’s the only way you have to become what you are meant to be” It whispered repeatedly into his mind. And so Ben did what it asked.

 

“I want you to help me right now” he said to the others with a mournful voice.

 

They were standing there, eyes wide, waiting for instructions.

 

“We have to destroy the temple. I want you to burn everything. We have to stop this madness once and for all”. And so they did. And when the rain stopped, the flames of the fire became even higher. Everything that had been his uncle’s dream to restore the Jedi order was slowly fading away.

 

The voice in his head even much stronger right now. He didn’t know what to do. The others were looking at him for advice one more time and he found himself drained. But that voice was still there, to suggest him his next move.

 

And so Ben Solo followed it until he finally met Snoke. How can he speak about that with his father right now? Does he even believe him if he does? Or will he accuse him just like all the others? Ben still remembers the conversations that Han Solo was used to have with his mother, at night, when they thought that he couldn’t listen from the other side of the door.

 

They talked about him as if he was a monster and not their son. Ben tries to calm down, breathing sharply one more time trying to concentrate on the coldness of the water upon his body. In and out. In and out. He didn’t truly want to become a jedi, anyway. When he was a child, he didn’t really know what to do with his powers, but the only thing that he knew was that he wanted to be closer to his family.

 

He had been so proud of himself the few times that his father had allowed him to repair something on the falcon. His best and at the same time saddest memory were all about his father’s old ship. His uncle Chewe had taught him how to help his father in the cock-pit and then, when he had been old enough, his father had gave him his first lesson as a pilot. It didn’t matter that he had made a disaster for his first time, because his father knew that he was just a little too emotional.

 

After that bad experience, he had refused to try once more, but Han had talked a lot to him to reassure his son that everything was okay. In fact, for his second time, things had gone in a complete different way. His father had been so impressed. He still remembers the expression that crossed upon his face that day.

 

Han Solo had never been a man of many words and in fact he didn’t say a thing about it, but Ben knows that in that in that moment, his father had been really proud of him. But after that night at the temple, when his hands had covered in blood for the first time in his life, Ben wouldn’t have ever imagined that one day his father would have wanted him back with him on board of the Falcon.

 

Not after what he had done even much later when he had joined the First Order. But for the whole damn time, in last seven years, Ben had to admit to himself that he had hoped that someone could help him to come back. Because now he knows that he doesn’t belong even to the dark side. But he was just too afraid to admit it, because there hadn’t ever been a place for him in all of that.

 

What is he? He doesn’t possess enough compassion to belong to the light side, but he doesn’t possess enough hatred to belong to the dark side. Even after all of his efforts, all of the pain, he still had not place to belong with. What it is so wrong with him? But the worst thing, above everything else, he thinks, is that he is still afraid.

 

The simple thought makes him shiver and burn with rage at the same time. Of course his father, who’s still looking at him with a pitiful expression on his face that makes him getting even angrier, doesn’t understand the reasons of that shiver, because he suddenly turns the temperature of the water into as hot as hell. So hot that he has to press the button and stop the spry of the frasher definitively, if only to avoid to burn himself alive.

 

“Ben…Please, stay another minute under the warm water” he asks. At that he can’t control himself anymore. The rage is boiling up. “Don’t you have a ship to drive right now?” he askes annoyingly in the direction of his father. His voice much hoarse than he had expected while he grabs the towel that his father offers him. He takes it without another word and starts to dry himself quickly. Then he turns towards his father a looks directly into his eyes.

 

“Don’t worry about that” Han answers “I found a good pilot who can help Chewe in my place. But I imagine you already know her…” he point out nonchalantly. At that he became even more stiffen.

 

“Her? You mean the scavenger?” he asks. And so Ben finds himself mesmerized at the simple thought.

 

“She is much more than that Ben, and I am sure you know it. Even if you were wearing your mask, I saw you carrying her away at Maz’s castle…Maybe I coldn’t see your expression but…That wasn’t exactly the way you bring with you a common prisoner, isn’t it?”

 

“What?” he asks back and there is shock in his voice. He didn’t really noticed the presence of his father in the nearness in that moment. “I was there, and I saw you Ben. That had been the exact moment when I thought that I could bring you back” He stands still. The awareness of his father’s confession crashing like a wave against his already puzzled mind.

 

“It’s true. When I told your mother, she had thought the same. Then she asked me to try to bring you back…I was still skeptical but now I am glad I did it”.

 

A deep silence falls all around them. Ben’s mind it’s range of emotions right now, he has to fight with himself to keep all of them at bay.

“You don’t know anything about me or who I become, so stop assuming whatever…”

 

“Ben” his father calls to him, but he really can’t listen. He is the one who have to.

 

“…I am not here to listen to...You shouldn’t…”

 

“Ben” he insists.

 

His voice calm, but urgent. “…I was just executing the orders and…”

 

“BEN!” he finally shouts at him.

 

“Please Ben stop bubbling nonsense! I may not be a force user but I have got two eyes and it is obvious that you are not the monster that Snoke wanted you to think you are.

 

And I more important, you are my son. You will always be” The assertion of his father lets him completely stunned. Tears stats to pierce at his eyes one more time against his will and a deep strangled sob came out from his mouth.

 

His father is right there to soothe all the pain. He places his warm and calloused hand upon his left cheek to sweep away one of his tears and this causes him to sob even louder. Then he made a couple of steps back.

 

“It’s alright boy. Just take your time…” then he looks over his shoulders towards the exit of the little room. He see him swallow then he hears him saying: “I left some clothes on that shelf. You can’t go back wearing those robes. And much more important, I don’t think the Resistance will appreciate to have Snoke’s number one lackey at their camp”.

 

At that Ben looks at him with a frightened expression that makes his belly ache.

 

“What do you mean?” “Didn’t you expect I was going to introduce you as Kylo Ren?” His black face tells him that it was exactly what he was expecting him to do once they would have reached for the Resistance base.

 

“I am not going to be put under a trial? But…The Senate and the whole system of the Old Republic has been destroyed by the star killer base. I had a role in all of this and…You know it!” “Shut up kid! You know better than me that it hadn’t been your fault if those people are dead…Now I want you to listen to me very well. We are going to tell them that my son I finally back to the Reistance because we need to defend what’s left of the Republic and me and your mother are going to think about everything. You don’t have to worry”

 

“But…What…I…You…”

 

“You are Ben Solo. My son. And nothing else matters right now” he states with firm voice. And he is even much stunned right now.

 

“But, what can I do about the force? Surely the will notice and I don’t think they will believe that…”

 

“That’s simple kid. You have to keep it secret until things are going to go at place”

 

“What?” and the shock in his voice is palpable. “I am sure you have got the control upon it right now, I am right?”

 

“Yes, but…”

 

“So forget about the past Ben. Forget even about the force. Just be…Be my son Ben” And after that words pronounced by his father, Ben feels he want to cry even much louder because after a lifetime of self-repression he finds that he’s finally free to just be, truly be, what he had always wanted to be. Just Ben Solo.

 

And it’s a big contradiction that this comes together with the promise to put a part the force and hide his real nature. But for now it may work and maybe this is what he really needs to put together the broken pieces of his poor soul because the only thing the he feels right now is just relief.

 

“Thank you Dad…” 

 

To be continued...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. In this story I am using the present tense, while in the other I am writing I am using the past tense... I chose to change because I want to pratice to write in both but...maybe I am making a mess... in this chapter there had been flashback and so I had to use the past and then the past perfect and then the present... Probably I made a mess XD I just hope you understood what I wanted to say. Kisses :) Grazie
> 
> Anyway I wanted to say that this is my vision of what really happened to Ben before "The Force Awakens". I don't know if things went really this way, but I like to think so :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the grammar. I didn't have enough time to check... I am so sorry... But I am really busy during these days...I apologize if I made you wait so much. The chapter is not long, but I wanted to write this moment properly and... I hope you'll enjoy :)

 Rey’s body is still slightly shaking when they finally lands on Daquar. Finn is right near her, he snorts and then sighs taking her hands into his own trying to steady himself too.

 

He knows that his friend needs his help right now and so after a long moment where the two of them look into each other eyes, Finn finally says in a very quiet voice:

 

“I am sorry Rey. I shouldn’t have let you alone” and his black eyes are full of sorrow but they are also burning with something that she can’t recognize. Anyway, Rey suddenly feels relieved from Finn’s presence.

 

Then Finn smiles at her and he squeezes her hands strongly. She squeezes them back. “The important thing is that you came back to save me” she smiles.

 

“Rey, I want you to know that you can always count on me from now on, do you understand?” he asks then kneeling towards her fiercely. His eyes burning. “Always” he whispers making her shiver under his tumultuous gaze.

 

At that she stands up from the chair to embrace him, to let him know that she knows. Finn is the very first person she can really call friend since she has memory and she is glad about it. And for a brief moment all of her fears are soothed.

 

But then, that strange sensation is right back and she instantly knows that something important had changed within her since the last time they had seen each other.

 

And not just because of her new capacity to convince other people to do what she wants with a simple request. It was as if she could feel someone else under her own skin and deep into her bones right now.

 

“Ehi, are you sure you are okay?” Finn asks at the same moment the ship stops into the ground. His voice still full of concern. And in an instant she feels that she can trust him, that his friend would may help her to understand what happened to her. But then Han is back into the cock-pit and look at them with an incomprehensible expression on his face.

 

Rey can’t find the words anymore, because the reason why she feels so dizzy is Kylo Ren, alias Han’s son.

 

“Okay kids. I know I said that after we escaped you could hug as much as you wanted, but this is going to became embarrassing…I am sure that at the base there are plenty of berth where you can feel free to indulge in whatever activity you’d like to do, but...” he sais with a light smirk. Immediately Rey makes some steps backward to put some distance between her and Finn, her cheeks completely red and her gaze low in shame.

 

“I don’t know what are you talking about” Finn urges to retort, fighting to sound casual, but his piercing tone of voice betrays his embarrass too. And so Han smik widens, but just for a while. In an instant his face changes in a worried expression that lets both Rey and Finn startled. Then Hans sighs for a long moment, his eyes running back towards the long corridor where his son is still fighting with his own fears.

 

“Okay kids” Han finally says. “Before we go to greet the Resistance, I want you two to promise me that what happened down there on Starkiller base will remain a secret between us. The story we are going to tell them is the following: Kylo Ren is dead in the explosion of the planet and Ben is a pilot who has just joined the resistance to help for the cause…Oh and he is also my son. Any question?” he exposes to them.

 

“What?” Finn almost screams in surprise and horror. “Are we really going to do this? For real?”

 

“Yes kid, for real!” Han answers without hesitation.

 

“And no more complaining about that, okay? Kylo Ren is dead” he gestures with his hands eloquently, then his eyes locks with Finn’s. The former stormetrooper sighs in exasperation but he nods slightly with his head. So Han looks even into Rey’s eyes. She stares back at him for a long moment. Han’s eyes wild but determined and right there she finds a shadow of guilt and concern she didn’t really expected to see into them.

 

“Do you agree Rey?” Han asks then, his voice much more quiet and tired despite the commanding tone he has just used with Finn. And Rey finds herself nodding in assent even before she realizes it because he is Han and she finds herself incapable to go against his will, even if in the other room there is Kylo Ren.

 

Then Han turns towards the cockpit until he reaches for his old friend “Ehi Chewe, is everything alright? Just let the iper drive in the drifting position and close those channels. This way we should reestablish the right amount of charge for the next jump in a few hours. And switch off the engines. I am afraid we are going to have a lot of work to do here…This ship suffered a lot of damages on that damn planet because of the first order, but nothing that you can’t repair, right?”.

 

Some cheerful growls comes back in response and Han’s smirk comes back too.

 

………………………………

 

When she sees the Millennium Falcon landing in the middle of the clearing, Leia Organa already knows that he is on board with his father. She finally can sense her son into the force after so many years and her happiness is so much that her hearts looses a bit.

 

C-3PO is right near her, talking about the arrangements for the evacuation when she feels him. That force signature, she could have recognized in the middle of a crowd. Ben. Her son.

 

Leia instantly brings her hands to cover her mouth, her lips trembling because through her mind is passing a rush of different kind of emotions: joy, fear, pain, regret, but the strongest among all of them is relief.

 

With a gesture of her hand she waves at the droid to make him stop to talking. Obviously he doesn’t understand, too busy reporting all the final informations about the fuel and the transports, and…

 

“C-3PO…I understand your concern, but right now I really need a minute…” Leia starts, but the droid, once again seems too enraptured in his own speech to pay her real attention. So Leia snorts at him and then she makes a long sigh. “C-3PO…Please, shut up” she urges without any ulterior ceremony.

 

She knows even too well how much sensitive her old friend could be at a time, in fact C-3PO dismiss himself with a hurt expression on his face, but Leia really couldn’t care about it in this moment. She is going to apologize to C-3PO very soon anyway. But now she has to meet Ben. She thinks that she had stayed even too much time far from her son, to waste any other precious minute. And so, general Leia rushes tow

 

ards the spaceport wher the Millennium Falcon has just landed and contemporarily she reaches for him though the force. He has sensed her too because a sudden rush of fear and distress passes across the bound she has got with him. Finally, all of a sudden, she sees the ramp of the Falcon coming down.

 

Her legs are already moving towards it just like she isn’t completely aware of her own actions. Her hearth is pounding out lout into her chest. Leia holds on her breath when the familiar shape of Han greets her and in that moment she can’t really hold on the tears. He is back. His husband is back despite the horrible sensation she had had all that time, as if their last econunter had also been a real farewell. Instead Hand is standing just in front of her, alive and with his usual smirk on the lips.

 

And even if her first instinct would have been to hug him tightly, to also thank him for having bring their son back, Leia’s attention is all for the other tall and broad guy standing a few inches behind Han.

 

She is going to thank Han properly in another moment, she thinks, when their family will be whole again and her hearth will feel less hollow.

 

For now there is just Ben, who’s dressed in his husband’s old robes, the ones she remembered to have seen Han wearing a thousand of times during their trips all over the systems.

 

That brown jacked had seen better days, and so is the white shirt he is wearing under that. But Leia can’t really mind even about the cloths right now, because the young man that is dressed into those robes is her son and every cell of her body is craving to have a contact with the skin of man under those robes. Because they share the same blood and it is just as if a missing part of her own body was finally back at her right place.

 

The last time she saw him he was far more younger and smaller, and not so broad, but his eyes. those are the same hunted eyes that she remembered. And even if, right now, that lost boy is now hulking at the side of his father, his back hunched forward, his eyes low, those features, the silky raven curls that were his hair, always so long because he was so worried to cover his large ears, those plump lips, his nose… There is no doubt that this is her son.

 

And Leia can’t wait another minute, because just now she seems to realize how much time has passed since the last time she had hugged him, and it is simply unbearable, she can’t wait any other second. And so she advances towards him just in time to notice the glace full of fear that he throws in her direction.

 

Maybe she should be afraid too, she tells to herself. Maybe she should greet him much more quietly because she doesn’t knows the situation, because that man who’s standing in front of her, hadn’t been her son for such a long time… and Snoke had turned him into that blood machine she has long heard about, but she really doesn’t care right now. Her arms are already moving towards his neck to embrace him, when she realizes that she’s actually that close.

 

Ben can’t hold on a whimper as soon as the small figure that is his mother, hugs him with the strengths of a tiger grabbing his pray…But he doesn’t feel like a pray…Not anymore and not in her embrace. And when her long lost familiar scent fills up his nostrils, he find himself completely lost.

 

Leia squeezes him strongly against her, his head pressed against his chest because of their size difference, and she feels his familiar scent too. For a long moment she is the only one to squeeze him tightly. But after the initial hesitation, his son hugs her back, his arms shaking, his legs menacing to betray him at any moment.

 

For a brief moment, it’s as if the time had never passed between them. Meanwhile Han has got a wide smile upon his face and his chest seems to feel less heavy right now. Behind him, the young girl from Jakku and the former stormtrooper can’t do anything else but staring at the whole scene with their wide eyes.

 

“Ben!” Leia finally calls him with his real name. Even pronouncing that name sounds like a victory right now, but her throat is so tight because of the emotions she is feeling that her voice sounds raspy even at her own ears.

 

In that same moment the young boy feels his eyes watering with tears and he has to fight to keep his hearth at bay. He can’t believe that his hearth was craving for this so much. And a rush of fears reaches for his mind at the simple taught of what could have happened on that catwalk if he had obeyed at his master’s order, instead of coming back with his father.

 

“Oh my…You are so handsome…Oh you don’t even imagine how much I missed you…” Leia finally sais whispering against his face while her eyes are watering too. Kylo really doesn’t know what to say to the woman he had tried to stop to recognize as his mother since a long time ago.

He opens his mouth but he can't find words. His chin trambles.The whole situation seems so unreal to him right now.

 

After all the years that had passed since the last time he had allowed himself to think about her as his mother, his family, a safety point of reference…

 

Ben still remembered their last encounter before his whole world had turned upside down. He would have liked to think about that moment as a sweet one, but the truth was that the last time he had seen his mother, it had not been less painful than the major part of the other memories he had about his parents in general.

 

He was angry and full of rage because she had just told him about his imminent departure to join his uncle Luke at the jedi academy. In the first place, he had just tried to speak with her to let her know that he didn’t agree about leaving his home to became a jedi.

 

But then his mother had insisted and when he had finally understood that he didn’t have any real choice, his rage had literally blown up. He still remembers the discarded shape of all his furniture, scattered all around the room, his heavy breath, the fear into the hazel eyes of his mother.

 

And than shame, guilt, fear…and other fear…

 

Somehow his mother seems to sense his thoughts, even if he knows that she can’t properly do that, even if she seems to have a deep bound with him, thanks to the force.

 

“You don’t have to be afraid Ben, not anymore. You are at home right now” Leia says looking at him into his eyes and sweeping away a tear from his left cheek that he hasn’t noticed it was there.

 

Then a warmth that he has forget for a long time, all of a sudden, seems to spread into his chest. The pull of the light is still there. And even if he is afraid about it, this time, he wouldn’t pray his grandfather to give him the strength to forget about that part of himself. He wouldn’t deny it anymore, because he simply can’t. there is something that the force is tying to tell him.

 

He was on the wrong path before and now he is finally feeling clearer what he had to do…And somehow he knew that the scavenger of Jakku has a role in all of this…

 

To be continued...


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I am with this story! Sorry for the delay! I love you so much! I am going to continue this story, I have lots of ideas... I am sorry for the grammar...I started to write this at the present tense and now I realized I wrote this last chapter in the past tense... I am so so sorry.... I chose to post it anyway. Forgive me. I'll do my best to edit this properly as soon as I can. Kisses :*

Finn was still shocked looking at the scene in front of his eyes. Kylo Ren, the mighty warrior that he had seen murder lots of innocents, was actually hugging the woman he recognized as Leia Organa, the head of the Resistance and former Senator of the New Republic. For a while, he struggled to stay silent and calm. How was that possible? Then he heard the heavy sigh that Rey, his companion, let escape from her mouth and he suddenly remembered about a thing that he should have thought about before: the saber. During their escape Finn was too worried about Kylo Ren and the blast bolts that the toopers where shooting against them all to think about Maz Kanata and the strange weapon that she gave him on Takodana. But now, that old thing felt suddenly too heavy hooked at his belt. And so he rushed to pick it up and showed it to Rey.  
“Here…” he said looking into the eyes of his friend “Maz asked me to bring it to you before…” his voice trailed off at the memory of the wooded black knight carrying Rey away into the ship. Yes, Finn was feeling deeply uncomfortable about the whole situation now that the same man that had kidnapped her fried was still greeting the General not even ten feet away from them.  
In that moment Rey stared back at him with horror, her gaze shifting from the weapon still in Finn’s hand and his black eyes. She made a step backward and said: “I don’t want that thing…I think it’s dangerous”. A shiver running up her spine.  
In that same moment, she felt a strange pull coming from the clearing in front of the Falcon and she turned her head following the stream of energy in the air. She instantly met Kylo Ren’s gaze and for a long moment it was as if she was completely hypnotized by those eyes. Rey immediately felt the urge to run away from them, but at the same time her body didn’t seem to follow her instructions, because her gaze was still boring into his black eyes when Han putted his calloused hand on her shoulder and commented: “You know you can tell me” his voice trailing off just a bit. “If he did something weird to you while…You know…Just tell me if he needs a good dressing-down for his previous behavior…And I’ll make sure to let him know that women shouldn’t be touched neither with a flower…”  
The fear stoked in the pit of Rey’s stomach, suddenly left space for a little warmth and she allowed herself to answer with a little smile.  
“Thank you but, no he… He didn’t really touched me” she answered, her cheeks slightly flushed with embarrass. Kylo Ren had really seemed threatening to her in that interrogation room, or at least in the beginning. But now that she knew that he was Han’s and Leia’s son, Rey felt a little confused. Han seemed a really good man and so it was strange to think that his son could have joined a bloody organization like the First Order. Han lingered his gaze upon her face for a long moment staying completely silent, and so Rey felt the need to add something else to her answer. “He tried to probe my mind because he needed the map and…Well, I can’t say it had been an easy confrontation, but he didn’t want to harm me” she explained. Meanwhile, Finn didn’t seem to have lost a word about what she was saying. The strange weapon still enveloped into his right hand.  
“Probably he was only playing with you Rey…” he said then with a serious gaze “I saw him…He murdered lots of children and women. He is not the kind of man who shows mercy in front of the poor and the weaks…We can’t trust him! And that’s why you really should take this weapon! It seems that, somehow, it was calling for you since the beginning” he insisted.  
……………………………………………….  
Rey was staring at Finn, her mind still puzzled, while her gaze shifted from the saber to the face of her friend, to the old woman hugging the young man she believed to be a monster...  
“Finn…I…” she swallowed “I can’t take it…” she said.  
“No, you can!” Finn answered vehemently, rushing to put the weapon into her hand. In that same moment Rey shut her eyes, completely frightened that the mere contact could show her the same stranger and scary things she had seen the first time. But nothing happened. Her finger brushed against the cold material and no visions came to life. Only then she sighed deeply with relief. Her body kept feeling that strange energy all around and inside of her, but now it was much more quiet, as if something had been put in the right place…  
………………………………….  
That girl. The one his father had come to rescue from star killer base…was looking at him with glowing eyes and for a while he forgot even about his mother. That girl was strong in the force, maybe as much as him. She read into his mind, felt his inner struggle, his fears just like only Snoke had been capable of before. In that moment, in the interrogation room, he had felt truly disappointed when, looking into her mind he discovered that she was just a scavenger. Because he had been sure, till the beginning that there was something special in her. Since the first moment he heard about a girl, he had known that the force was trying to tell him something. He had felt a pull towards her in the same moment he had landed on Takodana. And when they finally met, he hadn’t been able to get her away from his mind, even if she was just a nobody, an orphan, abandoned on a backwater planet like Jakku. He would have expected something else, something more. Now, after the interrogation, he knew that there was something there in her mind, something of interest. Not the image of the map he was looking for just to please Snoke, but definitively something worth investigating. But when he had shifted his perception towards it, seeking to identify, to analyze what’s hiden inside of her mind, he had felt her barrier rise. And then after a few seconds, he had felt her looking inside of his mind too. That scared the death out of him… Anybody else, except for Snoke, had ever been able to do so in years. Ben really couldn’t explain that to himself, but now he knew that the girl had some powerful capability in using the force. but what was there inside of her mind? Did she know about it or was she completely oblivious to that oddness? Who was she?  
Then Kylo saw the traitor, the stormtrooper who escaped from the first order, giving something to her. Only then Kylo’s gaze sharpened to look at what she was holding into her hand. He lost his breath again. A sudden rush of anger and stupor caught him completely unprepared.  
“That weapon!” he screamed without even realizing that he was walking into their direction until he saw them both retreat towards the Falcon. “Where did you find it?” 

To be continued...


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry...It's been a while...I was busy and more important, I was waiting for inspiration to hit me...Even just a bit... Well. I think I have been hit,a little... So, here we are. Thanks for reading. Kisses :)

“ _That weapon…where did you find it?”_ Kylo shouted.

In the same moment Kylo Ren rushed towards Rey, Finn was already putting himself between them. It was truly frightening to be so close to the powerful man that had hunted him in his dreams for so long, even after seeing him cry like a toddler into the arms of his father. But Finn wouldn’t have allowed him to touch Rey even with his fingertip, not anymore, so he charged himself with courage, and showing him the boldest look he could manage to wear, he addressed him: “Ehi, not that fast pal! What’s up?”.

At that Kylo snorted and answered coldly looking down at him, only a few inches from his face “That weapon. It belongs to me! Let me see!” he ordered. Even if Finn’s guts had already started to knot, he forced himself to stay still and, after taking a deep breath, he exhaled: “I know you were used to give orders, Ren…” and saying so Finn felt that his legs were starting to shake but went on as well under the menacing gaze of the other man “but I want to remind you that things have changed now…!”. Kylo simply stared at him and listened, saying nothing.

“We are not your personal servants” Finn spitted out now more fiercely, thanks to the fact that Kylo didn’t seem to have any dangerous reaction “and more over, this thing doesn’t belongs to you! It was a friend of mine that asked me to give it to Rey, so shoo away, big baby!”. In that same moment Kylo glared at him furiously, while Rey, eyes wide, was witnessing at the whole scene with her hearth in her throat. She could feel the tension of the moment building, breath after breath.

Kylo and Finn were glaring at each other in complete since now. Invisible sparks were exploding between the two men, until Han providentially stepped in, both physically and metaphorically, pulling at the shoulders of his son:

“Ehi ehi kids, hold on a sec! Please Ben, cool down!” he asked. At that, Kylo Ren broke the eye contact with Finn and suddenly Rey felt his friend letting out a long gasp of relief, while Han was still holding his son with both his hands.

“I don’t know why you are suddenly so interested in thing, I can only imagine, but I don’t think this is the right time for that…” he explained now looking pointedly into his son’s eyes.

“Where did you find it?” Kylo asked then throwing his gaze back towards Rey. For a brief second he could meet her gaze, but then the girl tightened her grip upon the weapon and drifted her eyes away. Nobody answered.

“Jakku?” Kylo assumed then in a whisper, and now he didn’t sound menacing anymore, only a little curious and full of bewilderment. “I can’t believe that it was there on that backwater planet…” he mutter then more to himself than with the others.

Then he could feel his father letting out a big sigh full of frustration: “It was on Takodana for real…” he passed one hand upon his hair in a familiar gesture that Ben recognized as deeply similar to his own habit. That simple thing seem to distract him from his thoughts, because when his father spoke to him again he found himself enraptured into his grey eyes. He was still processing of being with him again. His father had come for him on Star killer base. His father had brought him away after all those years…

Suddenly the whole question of the weapon didn’t seem so important anymore and Ben had to force himself to breathe in and out because his breath had become even and his lungs started to feel painfully empty.

“Ben, you know that I don’t know a damn about the force, so I don’t understand why you are so affected about that damn thing, but there will be time for that, okay?” Han offered still dragging him as far as possible from Rey and the former stormtrooper.

When he felt his mother’s gaze upon him, he turned in her direction. She still had her eyes glistening with tears, but her face was serene and her gaze knowing. “Listen to your father Ben. I think it would be better to discuss about this, privately” she confirmed then, reminding him about the fact that they were still standing in the middle of the clearing of a resistance base full of people that were looking at them with curiosity. Too many eyes all around them, too much to deal with at the same time.

He was already about to follow then into the base, when suddenly C-3PO that had been there, incredibly silent all that time, started to speak: “Oh my…If my circuits are still operating, you…You are…Ben Solo!” he exclaimed sounding deeply shocked. “What a surprise! Princ….I mean, General!” and saing so he turned towards Leia “This is your…Oh…Oh my…But, stand to my last update, you should be serving under the thumb of the evil Supreme Leader Snoke as a member of the First Order…You call yourself Kylo Ren now…I…” the droid blurted out like a stream of water.

At that both Han and Leia rolled their eyes and the old woman rushed to shut him up.

“Keep quiet Treepio, these are truly sensible data right now! You really shouldn’t be spreading this knowledge all around the base! I made myself enough clear?” Leia asked then, glaring at him with a growing anxiety into her belly. At first the droid seemed a little confused about the request, but then he focused his eyes on Kylo once more and nodding a couple of times he said:

“Oh, all right then. I am sorry…It’s just that I was a little confused because I haven’t met the young Solo since he were a just a boy and left to join master Luke at the Jedi Academy…I didn’t expect to meet him in person anymore…” he continued. But then Kylo felt the muscles of his back tense once again, to the point that he was sure that the thin fabric of his shirt was about to break.

The simple mention of his uncle made him suddenly nervous. And it also remind him about the reason why he had spent so much time looking for the lightsaber that had belonged to his grandfather. Kylo knew that his parents were right. He knew he couldn’t break down right there and then, in front of half of the members of the Resistance, in front of Rey….

He had already showed her the weakest part of his soul, and he didn’t know why, but this made him feel uncomfortable more than everything else. But now he also felt the need to spit out the uncomfortable truth that he had tried to handle with during the past six years. And he needed to say it anyway… He had waited even too much. So he find the eyes of his mother once again. They bored into his for a long moment. She looked shaken as if she already knew what he was about to say.

As if she could have guessed what happened that damn night at the jedi temple. But it wasn’t possible…Was it?

“Uncle Luke…” he started then, his voice broken, just like him in that moment, no more than a whisper. But then Leia’s gaze looked into his dark pools, lingering for a while into the whole that was his pale, tired face. He knew he probably had got big dark bags under his eyes and that his skin was pale, so pale that she couldn’t had avoided to notice about it even if she had wanted to….

Even if she hadn’t been so worried for him like only a mother could be worried for her son. But he still hoped not to sound too whiny. He still hoped that he couldn’t feel the real depth of his desperation, because he was too ashamed.

Kylo was still struggling to collect the courage to go on, when suddenly Leia surprise him, giving him a simple sad smile that spoke about everything. “I know Ben…I felt him vanishing a long time ago. My brother wouldn’t have shouted himself out, hiding from me, if he hadn’t had a very significant reason to do so”.

And so, after so much time, after so much sufferance and so many eyers… Kylo finally felt that part of the weight that he had carried with him since that moment had suddenly been erased from his soul. She knew. She believed him. She had wanted him back for a reason… For a while he had to force himself to breath as if he had lost any memory about to do it, if not forcing the movement second by second.

His body was shaking so hard for the emotion that he was mesmerized that he hadn’t fell or passed out yet. “Ehi…Someone is still freezing here! That damn planet was a real ice-house” Han stepped in at that point, smashing his right hand into his son’s back, completely oblivious about the silent dialog between Kylo and his mother as he had been so many times even in the years of his childhood. The simple realization made Ben think about the fact, that right for this reason, Leia had always been the better of the two to understand him…

The only pity was that she was never around as much as his father. “Better hurry into the base and make ouself a black caff…” Han insisted then, waving at Finn and Rey and indicating to follow them “One of the strong kind…Okay? Treepio, show us the way please…”. And so the little group of people followed the golden droid with the red arm into the base…

To be continued…


End file.
